B Allyoucan B

Let me tell you all a story.

It’s a long one, so settle under some blankets.

Such a handsome boy

There once was a little horse. I’ve been thinking about this horse a lot lately. I had a dream about him the other day that really had a strange effect on me. I dreamt that I was at a horse show but none of the regular horses were there but all the people were. I went into the dressing room to get my hair and makeup done like usual before a class and the room had all of the usual things in it. I looked up to call for help with my hair and I saw a horse looking over the stall wall.

It was Soldier.

The weird thing was that, even in the dream, I realized that he was gone and has been for a while now. He just kept staring at me over the wall and I kept staring at him. I eventually walked out of the dressing room at looked at him through his stall door. He just kept looking at me, bobbing his head around, then going back to staring at me. I never tried to pet him or anything because, again, I realized that he should not be there. I wanted to pet him and talk to him but I could not.

I woke up crying. Not the gentle rolling of tears either, it was the puffy eyes and runny nose and inability to breathe.

I have never had a dream like that and I’m not sure I liked it. I love the idea of him watching over me and seeing what I’m doing but the fact that I couldn’t speak or touch him was really hard, just like it is in real life.

I don’t know if I have ever written down how he came into my life so I guess after contemplating our time together for the past three days, today would be a good day to do so.

He came to Centre Pointe sometime during the beginning of winter in 2010. We took him in and Jennifer called me and told me that we had a new horse come in and that he was very cute, an Arabian. I was curious but not too enthused because I was hoping that we’d get a super cool new school horse that I could potentially take to a few shows.

Do not judge me. I know it was shallow but show season had finished for me and I was already looking forward to the next show.

 The first time I saw Soldier, I was somewhat shocked. He was so skinny- to the point that I’d call him a bit scrawny. His little ribs were showing, his coat was dull yet he was tremendously shaggy, and he seemed so scared of anyone touching him. Normally when I visit with a new horse, I’ll talk to them and they’ll come and see what I’m about. Solider went to the back of his stall and just stared at me. He was also called Army at the time with the registered name of B Allyoucan B (which, to this day, sounds like a Ke$ha song to me).

 At this point, I was curious about him. He had the most adorable face and I could see why we had taken him in. I asked around and no one really knew his story. Later on, we would figure out that he was MN bred, had gone to Nationals and won, had excellent training, and then seemed to fall off the map.

Look at that adorable little bug face!

 One day I went out to have a lesson and Angela informed me that I would be riding Solider. I was tentative at the time because he was so small and I didn’t really see the point in riding him since I had also been informed that he was a hunter. At the time, I was just starting to ride Buzz so that was intriguing to me and made me somewhat happy to have another horse to practice on but I wanted to be riding a saddleseat horse too.

That horse challenged me more than any other horse had during that first ride.

I could not figure out his steering, his speeds, his headset, or even how to sit in the saddle. Even though all of my fumbling, Solider was as patient as he could be expected to be but I was still baffled as to why I could not figure him out.

So I signed up for another lesson on him.

 This time, I brushed him and tacked him up before the lesson. We had a good talk and I figured out some of his “quirks”. He did not like any fast movement, didn’t like his ears touched, and didn’t like anything aggressive. Even pushing at him to move him over made him jumpy.

After about one month of trying to pack on the weight.

 This next lesson went far smoother once I had figured out that he was not a push horse, but more of an ask horse. Through all my rides on him, he always gave more than you asked only if you asked politely. He never wanted to give you a reason to be mad or aggressive with him.

Of course, it was during these continuing lessons on him that the bug was planted about conditioning him into show form for the next season.  We had been beefing him up by giving him all the food he wanted so he needed to develop the muscle tone again.

Spring and starting to bulk up on muscle!

I didn’t have the money to be taking a large amount of lessons but I wanted to be around him. Something about him was special. As we know today, Soldier had been through a lot in his life up until he came to Centre Pointe yet he still had a spark about him and the willingness to please. I was given the privilege of riding him and working with him to get him in show shape.

In the months leading up to Sahara Sands, I learned so much. Between Buzz and Soldier, I was riding a lot and able to take my time and try different things to see what the results would be. The two of them had personality extremes too so the same things did not work for both horses.

Sometimes I would just take Soldier out of his stall, work on one thing for 30 minutes, and then lead him around the arena and let him eat a bucket of oats.

  I think it was in that time that I started to think of him as mine in a way- that little horse held my heart. Between figuring out that Smarties were his favorite candy and coaxing him to accept me touching his ears, a bond had formed.

 

  That little Arabian wormed his way into my Saddlebred loving heart enough to want to take him to a show where I’d be in a new division, at a new show, on a new breed.

He looked so handsome all groomed up and bathed at the show in May. With his mane all braided, his neck that had developed some extreme muscle could be seen and I could not have been more proud of all the work we had accomplished together.

I went into that show knowing that the numbers were huge for classes and that I was on a school horse against champions with multiple titles. Unknown to me at the time, Soldier had acquired his Legion of Honor but had never had his points paid for so they were just sitting there inactive until someone forked over $700. My goal for that show was to go into the ring and have a clean class and to prove that we had what it took to not look like total idiots.

Of course, Soldier had to surpass the goal when we came in 5^th out of 15 in our first class.

There have been a few moments at horseshows that I will never forget. Hearing his named called out for a ribbon is one of them. My little engine that could had proved to us all, yet again, to never doubt him.

There was something so relaxing about riding him in the ring. He knew his job and would never do anything stupid yet you still had to work at it.

My failing attempt at studying

We made it to two shows after that first one- the State Fair and Sahara Sands again in 2012. Each time I had memorable rides, some better than others but none that I ever regret because no time or money was ever wasted on him. One of my favorite pass times with him was at shows when we were not getting ready for a class or to work. I would pull a chair up to the front of his stall and open his door and curl up and read or eat lunch. He would come over and rest his head on the top of my head or set his nose on my shoulder to see what I was doing and then go do his own thing.

Solider liked to share my food.

 It was that quiet serenity of being in the same space as him that made me the happiest. It made me feel like we had an understanding of each other and a bond that would never be gone.

The downside of showing and riding the one Arabian hunt horse in a barn full of saddleseat Saddlebreds is that, as a school horse of many horses, Soldier had to be sent away every now and then. The first time was before the State Fair which was fine because Winstead took him into his home farm. I was told that I could visit whenever and work him and then, before the State Fair, he’d come back to Centre Pointe so he could get hauled with the others.

Soldier developed a major crush on Winstead’s mother’s Arabian mare, Gracie. I loved Solider dearly but let me tell you, he was a nasty little beast to deal with when he wants something. Working him was a pain because he was always looking for Gracie. He was also temperamental when another horse would try to come near her.

He may have been perfect in my eyes, but he definitely had some flaws.

 

Running away from anyone who tried to catch him from his pasture was one of his favorite games and my least favorite. It would take a bucket of oats to get him anywhere near me when I had a lead rope. The nasty habit of flinging his head when being bridled stopped being a problem for me but, alas, not for anyone else (y’all, I had to bribe that horse with treats for MONTHS). He had a habit of taking off trotting when I would get on because he was so anxious all the time.

That little horse, I swear.

Then the time came, after my final show with him at Sahara Sands, when he was sent to live permanently with the lovely ladies over at Golden Ridge. I knew he would be so happy there and get to go to many shows with oodles of riders to love on him. I was excited for him, but still, heartbroken that he would be gone.

I was taken to visit him towards the end of January. I was so happy to see his face that I started crying and hugging his neck. I brought him out of the stall and just stood with him. The calm that filled me whenever he was near me was still there. I think we stood there for a half hour just watching lessons; he never moved or tried to get away. I smothered him with all the love and treats I could without looking like a total freak (which, I mean, have you guys met me?)

"Do I get my Smarties and granola bar now?"

I left promising I’d visit him again soon.

I got a call from Todd on Valentine’s day while I was on a bus out to visit Erin. I called him back as soon as I was off the bus in a total panic.

Soldier had died.

My little man’s great heart finally gave out.

It’s thought that he was out in a pasture playing in the snow and he had a heart attack. There was no sign of thrashing around or anything. It looked like he had just laid down and passed away.

I think about the fact that I never had the opportunity to say good-bye to him every single day.

I look at pictures of him and remember how he loved kisses on his nose, how he was always looking for a treat, and the way he liked to rest his head on my head and breathe.

 

There are so many people who made our time together so special for so many reasons and you know who you are because you miss him too.

There will never be another horse like him- that much I know.

I miss my little Soldier and his heart of gold but I believe he is in a good place and I’ll see him again eventually. 

Ugh, humans.

Oh my goodness.

Y'all.

I can't even with humanity this week.

Let me just say this as a foreword: BE NICE TO PEOPLE. ESPECIALLY THOSE IN CHARGE OF YOUR BEVERAGES.

I realize that the holidays are quickly approaching and people are starting to get stressed and all that bunk but even so, everyone needs to settle down.

Also, please don't misinterpret my ranting. I LOVE my job. I adore the people I work with and I am happy to serve people coffee and whatnot. It's just those few special people that really rub my nerves the wrong way.

Let me just tell you guys about some of the customer encounters I have had lately:

To the lady who wanted to know the exact number of calories in a green tea frappuccino- bite me. I have no idea what the calorie count is but it you're watching your weight or something, a cafe is not the place to be doing that.

To the  mother who geeked out at me for fear of the cupcake getting a dent in the icing because "you know, my son won't eat a cupcake that has anything wrong with it". Are you high? Is your child seriously that high maintenance that you've made it so he thinks it's okay to refuse a cupcake that is anything other than perfect? Seriously?? If any kid of mine did that I'd take the damn cupcake and eat it and feel no pity for the brat.

To ANYONE who seems to think it's okay to fling/toss/flick any form of payment at me, I would love to kick you in the shin. I have never been so disrespected in my life for anyone to think they can throw things in my direction.

Get off your phone while ordering. 

To the old dude who went off on me for the arm chairs being moved out of the cafe area, I hate you. Your threat to not come back because the chairs have been moved is something you should really hold yourself to. And do not approach the counter already listing off your order before I have even greeted you. That's damn rude.

To the couple that had the most intense order I've ever done (One tall raspberry mocha frap with a shot of decaf, made with 2%, and light on the ice but still as thick and a venti chai latte with 10 pumps of chai, no water, a shot, and 30 degrees hotter)- Ugh.

There is no such thing as a WET or NO FOAM cappuccino. That is a latte.

No we do not have cakepops, stop asking.  Also, we don't take Starbucks giftcards, so stop throwing a tizzy when I say I can't accept them. I DON'T MAKE THE RULES.

Don't get snippy with me because you're running late. That is NOT my fault, nor is it my problem. You didn't have to stop and get coffee. I can't make machines go any faster so don't stand there and tap your foot or drum your nails at me.

UGH.

People, it is COFFEE. You will NOT die. You could use some common courtesy, I promise it doesn't hurt. It also will make my day about ten times better and I may even tell you to have a nice day without mumbling obscenities when you walk away.

Again. I love my job and about 95% of the customers are great but seriously. These few.

DONE.

So I was informed of something very interesting yesterday.

I was told from a source that someone is going around bad-mouthing my photography services. Apparently I charged them $2000 for some pictures.

What. The. Hell.

Are you effing kidding me?

Seriously?

I've never been more livid about something.

That is such a pile of utter and complete bullcrap that I don't even know what to make of it.

TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS?!?!?

Where did you even pull that obscene number from?

I have the bill on my computer from them. They wanted 23 pictures. TWENTY THREE.

I charged $15 per picture for the editing and resizing that I had to do and put all of them on a disc for them.

$15x 23 pictures is 345.

So they owed me $345.

They never paid.

I didn't see ONE CENT for my pictures because I'm an IDIOT who didn't make people sign a contract because I TRUSTED these people.

So not only did I not see any money (which was going to help fund my trip to St. Louis last year), now they're bad mouthing me and my photos.

I'm done being nice about it now. 

I don't remember signing up to be a functional member of society.

Stuff  has been happening and for the past week and I've been meaning to write about it because hilarious things happen to me on a daily basis that make me question the sanity of the world.

Most of the things I find hilarious happen on the bus. On top of being hilarious, they make me want to yank my hair out one hair at a time. Such as the man sitting across from me today who was smoking on one of those fake cigarettes that look like pens. Huffin and puffin away and I'm just sitting there staring at him like, uh I don't know the health regulation on those things but rude. I've also been glared at by elderly people riding the bus more than anything. They have it out to get me. I held open the door for some dude that was basically hobble walking so slow and he just stared at me...

YOU'RE WELCOME, SIR. HAVE A LOVELY DAY.

Jeez.

I adore my Spanish professor (he's 25, I feel weird calling him a professor but...). He is hilarious and basically lets the class rule the class. He also rags on students when they aren't there which I find hysterical. I even write down some of my favorite things he says because they made me laugh so much.

 Examples: "She really likes to chew her gum. I haven't heard anyone chew gum like that since the 90's."

"Yeahs there's a lack of brooding cloud in the corner when he's gone."

"I didn't have a travel mug so I used a regular mug. I was going down 394 and I spilled all over my clothes. I had my clothes from yesterday in my car so that's why I'm wearing yesterday's outfit which is really unfortunate because I looked CUTE."

Anyways. I sound like a super creep quoting him but guys, he's hilarious and it makes the class less boring. There's also the guy that is now called "Lurch" because that's basically what he is. He has one of those personalities and voices that just makes me clench my jaw and want to kick him in the nads. He's super rude and not funny even though he thinks he is.

I just hate rude people in case you can't tell.

Like don't be rude to me. You can be rude to anyone else but I'm overly nice to most people and really don't want scowl lines. Also, I hate people that just talk about themselves or take themselves super seriously. I'm young enough to still have the hope that everything in life is going to work out for me and your raining on my parade is really unfortunate. Don't make me stress more than I have to, I'm already a spastic gremlin half the time, don't make it worse for me.

Speaking of spastic. I GOT A JOB.
BOOM! MIC DROP.

But really I'm super excited. I'm working at the Barnes and Noble over by Ridgedale as a barista in the cafe and a book seller that works the floor. I'm really hoping this job is everything I've built it up to in my mind. I've always wanted to work there. I love being around books, they smell amazing and they don't care when I make grabby hands at them and ruin them with highlighting. My dream job would be to own my own used book store and have no one shop in it so I can just sit there and listen to music, drink coffee, and read.

Books man, they're awesome. More people should embrace them  (and by embrace I literally mean hug).

Plus, who knows, maybe I'll  meet some Starbucks drinkin book reading gentlefellow and we'll fall madly in love and have a Beauty and the Beast-esque library.

Dream big or go home.

So that's about it...Not really, but I don't feel like writing the next great novel on my blog.

Here, have a song by my current girl crush Lilly Allen:

She Wolf

So yesterday was Independence Day. Happy belated 4th to everyone! How's the hangover? Sunburn? Any firework damage? No? Good news!

I know I ended up on the bad end of some sun rays while fishing but I'll take it. The sun felt so wonderful, couple it with the breeze that had the smell of BBQ on it- the day was spectacular.

Downside- the mosquitoes were so bad that I had issues letting my dog out to go to the bathroom. There had to be at least 100 of them sitting on our backdoor looking to get inside.

Maybe they just really wanted to pick my dog up and take her way.

Anyways...

There were fireworks and I'm blessed to have a dog that basically sleeps through everything so she didn't give a damn about the big booms happening outside. I, on the other hand, had an issue with them because I was trying to watch Batman. 

I've been oddly discontent with stuff lately and I have no idea why. I'm getting an A- in my Spanish class, getting to hang out with friends, ride horses, and chill in general but I feel like something is missing and I have no idea what it is.

Maybe I'm stressing that college is going to be over in the Spring and I have no idea what I'm doing. I feel like I've kind of missed out on so many college experiences that people always talk about. The drinking, hook-ups, experimenting, and other such things but at the same time, that stuff is not me. It never has been. I lack the ability to comprehend why anyone would do those things but at the same time I wish I wanted to do it because it almost seems like a rite of passage that I'll never get to experience. All I really want from life right now is to meet a nice dude that I can just chill with. I love my ladies but it's not the same.

That was me going off on a tangent about my angst as a 22 year old college student.

On the plus side, I'm going to see The Heat this week and have a lady date with Jena on Tuesday. Today I'm watching my brother play The Last of Us and totally tweaking at the zombie people. I will probably watch The Hobbit later just because I can and I am procrastinating on all of the exams I have next week.

Here have a song that I enjoy:

Bonus song because I just really love any song dealing with anything wolfy:

Wolves you guys, WOLVES.

Bucket List

Things will be added, things will be crossed out, but all of them will be done at some point in my life.

• Visit the ocean
• Go to Wisconsin Dells
• Swim with dolphins
• Ride a horse on the beach
• Visit Sea World
• Visit Universal Stuidos
• Visit Disney something
• Own a horse
• Win a class on a national level 
• Travel to London
• Travel to Italy
• Travel to Paris

Post Midwest Charity

I am home safe and sound and back to the daily grind of school.

I know I wrote that I would like to do updates from the hotel while we were in Springfield. Unfortunately our hotel had NO internet signal. Literally, I couldn't hook up to the internet on my laptop to do my homework, my phone had no 3G signal, and our phones wouldn't connect to the internet. It was like being in a black hole of despair.

On the plus side, Jennifer and I avoid killing each other which always seems to be a miracle to both of us. We successfully made it there and back in the car without getting lost (going through Iowa to get there and through Madison to get home). Music was a good companion as was the never ending supply of gummies. We were witness to some weird stuff but that seems to be the norm for us.

The show itself was AMAZING. Words cannot describe the caliber of horses that were there. I was awe struck by some of them. It was interesting to see who the judges picked to win classes (a lot of the time I didn't agree) but I guess it's a whole different game there. I loved getting there early (as much as I may have complained about it) to watch the trainers work the horses. There are so many different methods that go into making a horse do it's job and it was fascinating. Of course I just wanted to go home and ride every horse. I saw some stuff that could apply to Buzz and some other stuff that made me wish I had a big park horse to ride. Maybe one day I will! Now I am desperate to go to a show.

I also got to meet some new people and talk to some people that I have admired for a long time.The 12 year old in me was kicking her feet in glee over meeting the people that I have been in awe over for so long.

All in all, it was an amazing trip. Seriously. I advise anyone who wants to see a cool show to go to Midwest.

And now I'm home trying to purge my system of all the crap I ate (I'm looking at you Steak n' Shake) with a fruit and spinach smoothie. My body is adsorbing nutrients like a sponge. I've also been trying to catch up on all of the sleep I've missed. So life as normal.

On the plus side, I downloaded a bunch of songs with a wolf theme because I love wolves and I introduced Jennifer to the Thrift Shop song.

*Dusts Off Blog*

Well this blog has certainly had time to become dust covered.

The last few weeks of last semester were the craziest thing I have ever endured. Having a horse show at the same time as finals week is not good. I had a crazy amount of papers due and I was literally too tired to write them.

Granted, I still managed an A, A- (in my seminar no less! I kicked that paper's 17-page ASS), B+, and two Ss. YEAH BUDDY!

So I had a week off and then I jumped into Spanish 1001. It's a 5 week course and is SUPER intense. I feel like I did at the end of last semester all of the time. I take a nap almost every day. The teacher basically only speaks in Spanish and we're totally immersed in the language.

Yeah. Boo hoo. Poor me. Really it's not that bad. I'm very very privileged to be able to go and take summer classes and be able to finish my degree without having to transfer out of the U of M for money purposes. I may complain about my parents but I am very blessed to have them taking care of me.

Change of subject- The hell is up with this weather?

This blows. Hardcore.

All I want is a week of nice weather. Not like sweltering hot or anything just nice.

Oh but wait...This is Minnesota. Nothing ever goes right with the weather here.

On the plus side, I'm going on vacation to Springfield to watch Midwest Charity on Wednesday.

PRAISE THE GODS.

That is going to be a long car ride but Jennifer and I always managed to make it fun with weird pit stops and chatting.

I am SO excited!!!

I'll try to blog stuff while we're there if I remember!

Put On Your War Paint

SPRING TUNE-UP IS IN ONE WEEK. Well a week and half, BUT STILL. HORSE SHOW.

HORSE.

SHOW.

Like with the riding and the ribbons and the smell of baby oil and fake peach face black.

I am giddy beyond belief. I've also been obsessively trying on my hunt coat to make sure it fits every day (it still does THANK GOD). My caboodle is organized and pristine.

My horse is a big black fuzz ball with a cranky attitude!

So basically I'm just going to be sitting here for a week unable to do anything but think of the show.

I'm not obsessed or anything.

I literally haven't blogged in a month and I have nothing interesting to report. At least not that I can remember. Let's see.

I caught up on Spartacus and I am ready to tear my hair out because my husband is in bad shape.

Dan Feuerriegel is my husband. He just doesn't know it yet.

That. SMILE.

I have lost like 15 pounds hence the hunt coat fitting again.

I have watched The Hobbit 3 times since I got it.

The pick-up line "Do you have a boyfriend? Because if you don't, I would take you out and cherish you." was used on me today. That gave me great joy and a 5 minute laugh.

I was called spoiled. I LAUGHED MY ASS OFF.  If you know me, I've been working since I was 12 years old to ride horses and show them. I have no money in my bank account because I've never had a real paying job. I AM BROKE AND IT IS HARD BUT I GET TO RIDE HORSES.

I have a kajillion papers due including my senior project paper and I'm DYING. Not only that, but I'm taking Spanish through the Summer and into next school year so I'm NOT EVEN DONE. It never ends. I'm basically going to die in college. Death by schooling.

Or maybe I'll just end up in an asylum.

Is it next week yet?

Song of the Moment: 

 

The Phoenix- Fall Out Boy

 

How Wednesdays Have Forsaken Me

I don't know what it is about Wednesdays but I hate them. Completely and utter loathe them. Maybe because tomorrow is my Friday, maybe because my bad luck days are always Wednesdays, or maybe they just plain suck rocks.

Let me explain.

So I had an exam this morning and that was all good and dandy. I actually managed to get into a groove while writing and managed to get out 10 pages of semi coherent writing on all the topics I wanted to cover. I even had time before class to study and get my triple caffeine cappuccino. So cool, day was going good until I looked in the mirror.

Holy crap.

I looked like I had been on a bender and put through the ringer. My eye makeup had totally faded, the bags under my eyes were standing out stark (and I mean they were freaky obvious), and I was freaking pale looking (I know I'm pale but where did my blush go?!).

I looked like a zombie.

Or a college student.

Either or really.

So whatever, guess I'll have to deal with walking around looking like a corpse for today but that was okay because I was done with one of my exams and my exam tomorrow was finished, just waiting until class to be performed.

So I wander over to my Keats class. This is class that makes me feel like a total jackass because there are like 3 of us that talk in it. I'm not even exaggerating. There's like 10 of us in there (it's my senior seminar in case you don't have my schedule memorized, which, if you don't, shame on you.) and only a few of us are actually brave enough to answer questions about poetry. I just sit there and spew out bullshit answers that sound intelligent and manage to provoke the professor into discussion. Well I'm getting really sick of being one of the few people that talk because I feel like everyone is looking at me like "what a show off" blah blah blah. SPEAK UP PEOPLE. I hate awkward silences. I hate when a professor is standing up in front of the class waiting for an answer. I hate wasting my time just sitting there. So guess what.

I answer the freaking questions and ask appropriate questions.

It's not hard.

But apparently for some it is. One of the few other kids in the class that frequently speaks up likes to hear himself talk. I've never heard someone articulate a question in such medieval language so slowly. He's all like, "well I am of the belief that, as opposed to his earlier works that we have read such as so and so, this ode lacks the paradoxical language that Keats is known for frequently using," and yada yada yada. Seriously dude? I hear his voice and instantly feel my eyes start to roll. So he pulled this Ode to Indolence missing a paradoxical twist view point.

So of course I had to raise my hand.

Actually, the whole poem itself is paradox because it's A POEM ABOUT HATING WRITING POETRY. You are a doucheknocker that just wants to sound impressive and you have wrong opinions.

He is also obsessed with the idea that Keats was on drugs while he wrote 3/4 of his poems...which he was not FYI.

So I was already in a mood from lack of sleep and knowing I looked dead but this kid just kinda pushed me that little bit further into having a bad day.

Then I got stuck walking behind a group of 4 girls that felt that need to walk 4 wide. They also had the inability to walk and talk at the same time so they were MEANDERING. I could not pass them, I was stuck walking behind them for a good 5 minutes and was about ready to throw myself in the snow and die of suffocation.

All this led up the culmination of there being an evacuation in the science building that was next door to the building my Victorian Literature class was in. The fire department guys would not let us in Ackerman to get to our classroom so we were all stuck standing outside for 20 minutes. I got cold and crankier.

They let us in the building at 4 (our class was supposed to start at 4) and then we got an email from our professor saying that if the alarm was still going at 4:30 that we wouldn't have class. Um, we're in the classroom? Where are you Mrs. Professor? WHAT THE STINK. She showed up at 4:30. We all sat in the room playing on our phones and yelling random things at people who walked by the door because we're all 5 year olds at heart. I also found some string cheese that I forgot I had packed for lunch.

The cake of my day was the kid that decided to argue that Sherlock Holmes was really a decent human being with emotions and was really a people person.

What.

What??

Dude. Don't even get into anything Sherlock Holmes related with me. It's basically my politics. I could literally feel my jaw clenching. I wanted to do that dramatic turn around and glare at the kid (in my head, I did and it was epic). This is the kid who is also a self proclaimed Sherlockian. YOU SIR, ARE WRONG IN THE FACE AND HAVE WRONG OPINIONS. It's not even me having my own opinions, his thoughts aren't even backed by the text! Where is he pulling these ideas from?! What the hell is happening today?

It was like a nightmare.

So that was my day. It was full of me walking around like a zombie and basically responding like one too.  The only good part of the day was finding string cheese.










Freaking Wednesdays, man. I hate them.

There's a Grief That Can't Be Spoken

I'm too tired and sad to make a happy post.

I was informed last Thursday (Valentine's Day, of course) that Soldier had passed away. He was found out in his pasture after being turned out. There didn't appear to be any signs of a struggle or pain involved in his passing. It seemed to be a quick thing.

I pray he passed without pain. I can't even bear to imagine him in pain.

That horse was my baby. He taught me more about patience, perseverance, and caring than any other horse I have ridden and worked with. Soldier was my teacher in the way of understanding a horse and taking their emotional state into account. He was so special to me in ways that I can't even describe. I've never understood what people mean when they say a piece of their heart went with the animal and now I do.

I hate that I can now only see him in the pictures and videos I have of him.I have to touch my computer screen to even remember what it was like to pet him. I hate that I can't go out and pet his soft little nose. I hate that I have no one to share my boxes of Nerds and Smarties with. Those were always his favorite.

No more trail rides on a happy prancing horse that liked to flick his tail up and snort at the wind. No more joyful greeting snorts from the greatest horse in the world.

My boy is gone and I never got to say goodbye.

I would love to know when the spontaneous crying and tears will stop but I know it never will and I almost don't want it to. It feels like if it stops, that means I've stopped caring. I feel like this pain will always be in my stomach and I know that it will never go away. That horse took something of my heart with him when he left and I'll never get it back.

I'll eventually get around to writing our story together but not right now, it was hard enough to write this short entry.

Here's to the greatest horse. We will meet again some day.

I love you forever Soldier.

Blergh in the Blog

Dear friend,

I have finally found Charles Dickens book that I enjoy! It's only the most obvious choice in the world: Oliver Twist. I love it. I've always loved the movie renditions so the book was the obvious next step. Aside from my discovery that I don't totally loathe Charles Dickens, school is super boring right now. My brain is in over drive trying to piece everything together and remember when everything is due.

This week at school is also a total drag because of Valentine's Day. I wish I had the ability to be one of those girls that are like "yeah singledom! Go girl power! I am a successful independent woman! Woo!" Alas, I am not. I hate Valentine's Day because it makes me feel uber shitty about myself no matter what anyone says. Granted, I have friends that more than make-up for this but still...

I went over to Erin's again this past weekend (BIG shocker, I know) since the NCMA banquet was Saturday and Dash won Reserve Champion in Open Hunter Pleasure. I was so proud! Princess Dashel worked very hard this season. Now that it's the off season, coming up to show season, I asked Erin to give me a hunt equitation lesson. Ouch. Ouch ouch ouch. Even my abs hurt. I've become very complacent in my riding and I need to fix that before show season if I want any chance at doing well.

I also proceeded to get back to Erin's house and fall down the stairs. I don't know how it happened or why but I swear I did major damage to my tailbone. So what do I do? I ride two horses on Monday! Oh man. That killed but I never turn down a ride. NEVER!

Today I slipped and fell into a puddle and was stuck with wet jeans all day. That was so great. Good thing I have a sense of humor about my own clumsiness.

This is the most uninteresting post ever in the history of blog posts since I don't actually put what's happening in my life out into the public sphere. I'm pretty shameless but not that much. I'm not as interesting as some seem to think I am. Although, I do hope to meet a lot of my Facebook friends at shows this year!

I'll blog something more interesting sometime this week. I'm contemplating putting some of my fiction writing works up on here but I'm very self-conscious about those so we'll see.

For those of you who want to see an excellent made-for-TV series, here's BBC's Oliver Twist (Tom Hardy as Bill Sykes...oh yes).

Wednesdays Are the Mondays of the Middle of the Week

My theory of Wednesdays being the Mondays of the middle of the week has been proven yet again. I'm pretty sure I was just in one of those "look at me and die" moods, but all the same. I hate Wednesdays.

Let's start out with the fact that I bought a coffee today that had triple the caffeine in it. Har har, they must totally be lying I thought to myself. No. No they were not. I was sitting in class and everything was exciting. Even the most depressing things ever were exciting. Crusades? WOAH THAT'S AWESOME IN A TOTALLY SHOCKING DISGUSTING WAY. Pillaging? HOLY CRAP THAT'S AMAZING. Knights killing innocent people? HOLY CRAP THAT'S TERRIBLE! Everything was loud and in capital letters in my head. All of this joy for $1.50. I will be purchasing that again.

So then I go to my next class and I've got the shakes and everything. If it tells you anything, I was the person at the bus stop with an open coat swinging my arms around and looking at the sky. It was embarrassing but I couldn't help it. Professor asks in my next class why this dude Endymion sounds like he hates all happy things. He's just woken up out of a drug induced dream and everything that was once beautiful is now ugly. My response to his very deep, thoughtful question? HEY PROFESSOR, HE SOUNDS LIKE HE HAS A WICKED HANGOVER.

What.

What?

No.

Did that actually just come out of my mouth?

The sad part? I was being serious. My logic being that he was just drugged. Professor agreed with me in that yes, he probably does have a hangover but he was more looking for the answer of depression.

Oh

Well my answer was far more interesting.

So then I get to my Victorian Literature class where we are reading Oliver Twist. This girl in this class has this nasty habit of hmmming and hawing when she agrees with the teacher. So she asked a question and the professor gave like a 5 minute explanation. So the whole time she's explaining her answer this girl is sitting there making all of these agreeing noises and I'm just sitting there staring at her going OH MY GOD BE QUIET.  STOP MAKING NOISE! Then this girl on my other side whipped out a loaf of bread from her backpack. WTF? Why do you have a loaf of bread in your backpack? WHAT IS HAPPENING?

I couldn't handle today.

In other news, it's almost show season. Fall Out Boy is touring. Dash won an end of the year award.

Huzzah!

It's Time to Begin, Isn't It?

Dear friend, 

I'm going to try writing this blog more in the style of one of my favorite books, The Perks of Being a Wallflower. More like a journal entry than whatever I was doing before. Hopefully no one reads this and thinks that I'm a total freak for that but if they do, oh well, I'm not trying to be.

I'm back in school! Oh joyous rapture, I can't contain myself. Before anyone asks, no I'm not graduating on time. It's a long explanation that I'm not in the mood to write about tonight. My classes so far seem okay. As always, my fiction writing class is at the top of my list for a favorite because I love writing. I may not be good at it but I like it and hope to get better at it. I've always been told that I'm a good writer so hopefully this class will help me develop that skill more. My Scandinavian Folklore class is cool too. Trolls, magic, and princesses. Everything I remember loving when I was little. We even get to put on a play of our own fairy tale for a midterm. Those classes are on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

Mondays and Wednesdays (I have Fridays off again this semester) have my History of the Crusades class. I was thinking maybe it would be boring but the professor is a wacky dude who runs around the class room flailing his hands around and getting excited about decapitations. Hey, as long as he keeps it interesting I'll tolerate anything. Then I have my Keats seminar. That class is going to be the bane of my existence, I can already tell. I'm not a poetry person. I never have been. By the end of the semester I'll have to write a 13-17 page paper on him and some of his work. Fingers crossed. Then I have my Victorian Literature class. That class sounds about as dry the desert. The books all sound interesting but my hatred of Dickens is already causing me a problem because the professor loves him and assigned two of his books. I'm going to be miserable when those come up.

Aside from my classes, I haven't really done much this week. I heard a cop's phone go off and it played "Call Me Maybe" so that gave me a laugh. I missed my bus the first day, had to do three transfers the next day but I can at least claim to be comfortable on buses now. Usually. My inner hermit still hates being out on buses around people I don't know. People who aren't anxious introverts don't even understand, a lot of people think I make up my social anxiety issues. I'm not. It can be kind of debilitating.

Anyways, I had a latte today as my treat for making it through the week. It may also have been to stop myself from falling asleep in class. I read Perks of Being a Wallflower (hence the trying of a new writing style). Words can't explain how much I love that book because it was kind of me in high school. Granted, I certainly didn't have the same issues as Charlie but it's easy to relate to for me.

Love,
Lauren

What I've Done Over Break: Nothing!

Hello!

I've not been neglecting my blog, I swear. I went without my computer for about a week and half (don't ask me how I survived that, there was withdrawal symptoms and everything) and I've just been...busy.

Okay, to be perfectly honest, I forgot I even had a blog. I like to use this as a way to procrastinate on my homework but I'm on break I am lacking in the homework department so...yeah.

BUT I am here! I remembered! I even remembered my password which is in and of itself an impressive feat.

Not much has actually happened for me over break as is par the course. I'm very much a homebody who doesn't like to go out and do things. Call me an introvert (as every psychoanalysis test has told me), I like being at home under blankets with some tea and a book or something of the sort. If that makes me lazy, so be it.

I visited Erin for a week and a half. I'm still mind boggled that we didn't murder each other but that may have to do with the fact that we were both zonked out with killer colds and couldn't seem to stay up past 9 pm. We had such a great time, even being sick. Great conversations, I learn a lot every time I'm there. I love learning training techniques and observing the progress of horses. Maybe I'll write a book about my experiences in the Saddlebred world one day. Who knows?

I also went and saw Les Mis. I knew that it was going to be a sad movie but I was pretty blown away. I'd never seen a play/movie version of it before so this was a first experience. The music was phenomenal. So, naturally, I got the soundtrack. It's great to listen to after seeing the movie when everything makes sense. Although some of the great songs from the movie aren't on it (see, Do You Hear the People Sing) and I am PISSED about it. But I love it, and I would gleefully see it again.

I also saw The Hobbit again. That would be the second and third time and no one is allowed to judge me. I've loved Tolkien since I was about 10 and have read the books and they are my comfort movie/book/soundtrack of choice. I love them and they make me feel a lot of feelings for fictional people. Also, there are DWARVES. They sing and it is adorable. Seriously. I could write probably 10 pages on why this story is the best story. The soundtrack for the movie is also a keeper (and what I am currently listening to because I also write things listening to LOTR/Hobbit music, don't ask why).

I got what I wanted for Christmas which was a pair of cowgirl boots, Carhartt jacket, sparkle belt (thanks Erin, Maddie, and Sarah!!!), a mass of giftcards, and some other odds and ends that pleased me to no end.

Show season is just around the corner too and I'm, for some reason, more excited than I have been in the past. Thus far I am planning on Tune-Up, FASH, a -fest show, and MN Futurity. I have a good feeling about this year. I hope to see Soldier at the -fest shows! He'll make someone a great mount and I pray someone has a good season with him. He deserved to go to more shows than I could take him to. 

Aside from all of this I really have nothing interesting to say and what I've said isn't all that interesting anyways! I've started rereading Tropic of Cancer by Henry Miller and I forgot how much I enjoy his writings. Almost everything he says can be taken as a quote of brilliance. I'm sure a bunch of teenagers use them for their blogs without knowing where they came from because they're those kinds of quotes, very Nietzsche or Emerson like. Yes, I am a literature snob when it comes to things I actually enjoy. Judge as you will.

And I leave you with a dwarf song because if I want a dwarf song on my blog, I shall damn well have a dwarf song.