GET IT.

Tomorrow is my last fist day of the semester.

One. More. Semester.

For some reason, when I started college, I never thought I'd finish. In the back of my mind, I always thought that we'd run out of money or something would happen to deter me from finishing school. That, and some of the classes were hard.

I wish I was one of those success stories that finished in the allotted four years that former president Bob Bruininks gave us; I wanted to be someone who knew what they were doing and finished with a good GPA.

Alas.

It's taken me five years due to a total lack of skill in the language of Latin. Shooting for an archeology degree did horrors to my poor GPA which is really unfortunate. There were also so many requirements. So. Many. I'm just happy that some of the classes I took killed two birds with one stone. Honestly, I was the worst the liberal arts requirements and really good at my major. Classes like Anthropology and Political Science just didn't hold my interest.

I've been so beyond words lucky to have a family who's been willing to stand behind me in all my college decisions and let me figure all this stuff out. I have a  father who works so hard for me to be able to go to school and not have to worry about my student loans with the same pressure that some others do, a mom that I can call when I'm feeling stressed or low and need someone to comfort me, and a grandma who has let me make a mess in her condo for the past five years (and only threatened to kick me out a few times!).

I never did the "typical" college experience. I never lived in a dorm, never lived on campus, never had to worry about making money while going to class, didn't join any groups, never went to a party (literally, I don't think I went to one), and I'm perfectly happy with this. I've never been the child that my parents had to worry about and this has continued throughout college.

 I've loved my college experience- minus it taking five years.

All this being said, I'm totally terrified of graduating. What the heck am I going to do? I won't have college as an excuse anymore. I'll be a certified adult and have to make adult decisions. I've liked being in my bubble of college safety so the prospect of starting on the rest of my life is terrifying. What if I can't make enough money to feed myself? Where am I going to live? I still have breakouts for God's sake, when did I turn into an adult? What am I doing?!

All in all, I'm stressed yet relieved that it's almost over.

I just want to be a success story with a $40,000+ piece of paper.

Look at all those green fulfilled requirements!

I'll accept a 3.1 for a graduating GPA.

So yeah. GET IT, SELF. YOU'RE SMASHING IT.







Song of the Moment: Through the Dark- One Direction

(Look at my little blondie rock out. Let me love you, Niall)

Ready...Set...Playlist

 Though all my many years of listening to music (all 23 of them), I've developed some extremely diverse tastes. 

So what, right?

Many peoples' tastes diversify as they age but I've just taken a look at my iPod and realized that it is eclectic and because music says so much about a person, I thought I'd share some of my ~phases* with you.Mind you, the songs posted are the ones I first listened to when I got into the music and then I delved deeper and, for most of the genres, became obsessed. I have a very obsessed personality.

Soundtracks- I have numerous soundtracks all over the place.

Il Divo- they were my first big obsession. I LOVE them and their music and have seen them in concert a few times now.

Il Divo, Barbra Streisand- I think their concert together was my first concert ever. GO BIG OR GO HOME. Bonus is them singing Music of the Night from Phantom of the Opera. 

I am a fan of the whole musical thing. I got to see Wicked when it was in town a few years ago and DIED.

My Chemical Romance- I was years behind the curve when it came to listening to music like this because...I have no idea. But I love them and got to see them 3 times before they broke up.

Panic! At the Disco- I was very late to this party but I really liked their stuff. Their new album is kinda meh to me but whatever. I've seen them once live.

Adam Lambert- I LOVED his debut album (second not so much) but I was obsessed with him. I saw him 3 times in a short period of time as well.

The Beatles- No explanation needed. No I have never seen them live.

Fall Out Boy- Of course I got into these guys when they were on break. I went and saw Patrick Stump when he was a solo artist but it wasn't as good at the whole group together. I'm still shooting to see these guys live.

One Direction- Don't even look at me, don't even judge me. The obsession and feelings are so real. Working out the plans to see these lads in August! I want to smother them in cuddles. 

Jason Derulo- Talk Dirty to Me. I don't even know why I like this song (yes I do but a only a few of you know why)

Olly Murs- Heart Skips a Beat. I like to dance like a short ape every now and then when I'm cleaning.

Because who doesn't need dubstep violin in their lives?

So that's that. I guess it's nothing too weird or out there but it makes me smile.

*I say phase but they aren't really phases. I still listen to all the music I have depending on my moods which is why I love having a wide range of music.

"It's 2014"

So it's been another year and this blog, regrettably, totally sucks.

I'm not quite sure what I want to do with it so I'm a bit put out with it. I was going to use it to write stuff but that's taken a backseat to school and work for the time being.

I'm also nowhere near as interesting as I like to think I am. How awful.

That said, I've made a few resolutions for the year.

1. The most common one- get fit. Everyone is always saying this one, I know, but I don't even want it so that I can get skinny or anything (although I'll consider that a bonus). I just want to get healthier and kick my metabolism into high gear. If anyone reading this sees me going for something absolutely dastardly for my diet, knock it from my hands and hand me an apple.

2. Do something actually interesting. I am such a boring person and I have no stories to tell- I need to actually attempt to put myself out there and do something with myself to stop living under my fort of blankets.

3. Write more and expand my vocabulary. I've always been told that I'm a fairly adept writer but I don't really feel like I am therefore this blog will be used to write about stupid things that have happened, venting, or other such nonsense just to keep writing and keep the brain muscles pumped up.

4. FREAKING GRADUATE. Good God. Five years is quite enough.

5. Be more myself. No more of this acting the way I feel people want me to act. I, amazingly, seem to make more friends when I'm being myself than acting like whatever I feel is normal for others. Added to that- dressing how I like and not going off the fashion of others. Other people dress weird as hell.

So there's five well thought out resolutions that I'm shooting for this year. I accept any and all help with accomplishing these goals.

Cheers!

B Allyoucan B

Let me tell you all a story.

It’s a long one, so settle under some blankets.

Such a handsome boy

There once was a little horse. I’ve been thinking about this horse a lot lately. I had a dream about him the other day that really had a strange effect on me. I dreamt that I was at a horse show but none of the regular horses were there but all the people were. I went into the dressing room to get my hair and makeup done like usual before a class and the room had all of the usual things in it. I looked up to call for help with my hair and I saw a horse looking over the stall wall.

It was Soldier.

The weird thing was that, even in the dream, I realized that he was gone and has been for a while now. He just kept staring at me over the wall and I kept staring at him. I eventually walked out of the dressing room at looked at him through his stall door. He just kept looking at me, bobbing his head around, then going back to staring at me. I never tried to pet him or anything because, again, I realized that he should not be there. I wanted to pet him and talk to him but I could not.

I woke up crying. Not the gentle rolling of tears either, it was the puffy eyes and runny nose and inability to breathe.

I have never had a dream like that and I’m not sure I liked it. I love the idea of him watching over me and seeing what I’m doing but the fact that I couldn’t speak or touch him was really hard, just like it is in real life.

I don’t know if I have ever written down how he came into my life so I guess after contemplating our time together for the past three days, today would be a good day to do so.

He came to Centre Pointe sometime during the beginning of winter in 2010. We took him in and Jennifer called me and told me that we had a new horse come in and that he was very cute, an Arabian. I was curious but not too enthused because I was hoping that we’d get a super cool new school horse that I could potentially take to a few shows.

Do not judge me. I know it was shallow but show season had finished for me and I was already looking forward to the next show.

 The first time I saw Soldier, I was somewhat shocked. He was so skinny- to the point that I’d call him a bit scrawny. His little ribs were showing, his coat was dull yet he was tremendously shaggy, and he seemed so scared of anyone touching him. Normally when I visit with a new horse, I’ll talk to them and they’ll come and see what I’m about. Solider went to the back of his stall and just stared at me. He was also called Army at the time with the registered name of B Allyoucan B (which, to this day, sounds like a Ke$ha song to me).

 At this point, I was curious about him. He had the most adorable face and I could see why we had taken him in. I asked around and no one really knew his story. Later on, we would figure out that he was MN bred, had gone to Nationals and won, had excellent training, and then seemed to fall off the map.

Look at that adorable little bug face!

 One day I went out to have a lesson and Angela informed me that I would be riding Solider. I was tentative at the time because he was so small and I didn’t really see the point in riding him since I had also been informed that he was a hunter. At the time, I was just starting to ride Buzz so that was intriguing to me and made me somewhat happy to have another horse to practice on but I wanted to be riding a saddleseat horse too.

That horse challenged me more than any other horse had during that first ride.

I could not figure out his steering, his speeds, his headset, or even how to sit in the saddle. Even though all of my fumbling, Solider was as patient as he could be expected to be but I was still baffled as to why I could not figure him out.

So I signed up for another lesson on him.

 This time, I brushed him and tacked him up before the lesson. We had a good talk and I figured out some of his “quirks”. He did not like any fast movement, didn’t like his ears touched, and didn’t like anything aggressive. Even pushing at him to move him over made him jumpy.

After about one month of trying to pack on the weight.

 This next lesson went far smoother once I had figured out that he was not a push horse, but more of an ask horse. Through all my rides on him, he always gave more than you asked only if you asked politely. He never wanted to give you a reason to be mad or aggressive with him.

Of course, it was during these continuing lessons on him that the bug was planted about conditioning him into show form for the next season.  We had been beefing him up by giving him all the food he wanted so he needed to develop the muscle tone again.

Spring and starting to bulk up on muscle!

I didn’t have the money to be taking a large amount of lessons but I wanted to be around him. Something about him was special. As we know today, Soldier had been through a lot in his life up until he came to Centre Pointe yet he still had a spark about him and the willingness to please. I was given the privilege of riding him and working with him to get him in show shape.

In the months leading up to Sahara Sands, I learned so much. Between Buzz and Soldier, I was riding a lot and able to take my time and try different things to see what the results would be. The two of them had personality extremes too so the same things did not work for both horses.

Sometimes I would just take Soldier out of his stall, work on one thing for 30 minutes, and then lead him around the arena and let him eat a bucket of oats.

  I think it was in that time that I started to think of him as mine in a way- that little horse held my heart. Between figuring out that Smarties were his favorite candy and coaxing him to accept me touching his ears, a bond had formed.

 

  That little Arabian wormed his way into my Saddlebred loving heart enough to want to take him to a show where I’d be in a new division, at a new show, on a new breed.

He looked so handsome all groomed up and bathed at the show in May. With his mane all braided, his neck that had developed some extreme muscle could be seen and I could not have been more proud of all the work we had accomplished together.

I went into that show knowing that the numbers were huge for classes and that I was on a school horse against champions with multiple titles. Unknown to me at the time, Soldier had acquired his Legion of Honor but had never had his points paid for so they were just sitting there inactive until someone forked over $700. My goal for that show was to go into the ring and have a clean class and to prove that we had what it took to not look like total idiots.

Of course, Soldier had to surpass the goal when we came in 5^th out of 15 in our first class.

There have been a few moments at horseshows that I will never forget. Hearing his named called out for a ribbon is one of them. My little engine that could had proved to us all, yet again, to never doubt him.

There was something so relaxing about riding him in the ring. He knew his job and would never do anything stupid yet you still had to work at it.

My failing attempt at studying

We made it to two shows after that first one- the State Fair and Sahara Sands again in 2012. Each time I had memorable rides, some better than others but none that I ever regret because no time or money was ever wasted on him. One of my favorite pass times with him was at shows when we were not getting ready for a class or to work. I would pull a chair up to the front of his stall and open his door and curl up and read or eat lunch. He would come over and rest his head on the top of my head or set his nose on my shoulder to see what I was doing and then go do his own thing.

Solider liked to share my food.

 It was that quiet serenity of being in the same space as him that made me the happiest. It made me feel like we had an understanding of each other and a bond that would never be gone.

The downside of showing and riding the one Arabian hunt horse in a barn full of saddleseat Saddlebreds is that, as a school horse of many horses, Soldier had to be sent away every now and then. The first time was before the State Fair which was fine because Winstead took him into his home farm. I was told that I could visit whenever and work him and then, before the State Fair, he’d come back to Centre Pointe so he could get hauled with the others.

Soldier developed a major crush on Winstead’s mother’s Arabian mare, Gracie. I loved Solider dearly but let me tell you, he was a nasty little beast to deal with when he wants something. Working him was a pain because he was always looking for Gracie. He was also temperamental when another horse would try to come near her.

He may have been perfect in my eyes, but he definitely had some flaws.

 

Running away from anyone who tried to catch him from his pasture was one of his favorite games and my least favorite. It would take a bucket of oats to get him anywhere near me when I had a lead rope. The nasty habit of flinging his head when being bridled stopped being a problem for me but, alas, not for anyone else (y’all, I had to bribe that horse with treats for MONTHS). He had a habit of taking off trotting when I would get on because he was so anxious all the time.

That little horse, I swear.

Then the time came, after my final show with him at Sahara Sands, when he was sent to live permanently with the lovely ladies over at Golden Ridge. I knew he would be so happy there and get to go to many shows with oodles of riders to love on him. I was excited for him, but still, heartbroken that he would be gone.

I was taken to visit him towards the end of January. I was so happy to see his face that I started crying and hugging his neck. I brought him out of the stall and just stood with him. The calm that filled me whenever he was near me was still there. I think we stood there for a half hour just watching lessons; he never moved or tried to get away. I smothered him with all the love and treats I could without looking like a total freak (which, I mean, have you guys met me?)

"Do I get my Smarties and granola bar now?"

I left promising I’d visit him again soon.

I got a call from Todd on Valentine’s day while I was on a bus out to visit Erin. I called him back as soon as I was off the bus in a total panic.

Soldier had died.

My little man’s great heart finally gave out.

It’s thought that he was out in a pasture playing in the snow and he had a heart attack. There was no sign of thrashing around or anything. It looked like he had just laid down and passed away.

I think about the fact that I never had the opportunity to say good-bye to him every single day.

I look at pictures of him and remember how he loved kisses on his nose, how he was always looking for a treat, and the way he liked to rest his head on my head and breathe.

 

There are so many people who made our time together so special for so many reasons and you know who you are because you miss him too.

There will never be another horse like him- that much I know.

I miss my little Soldier and his heart of gold but I believe he is in a good place and I’ll see him again eventually. 

Ugh, humans.

Oh my goodness.

Y'all.

I can't even with humanity this week.

Let me just say this as a foreword: BE NICE TO PEOPLE. ESPECIALLY THOSE IN CHARGE OF YOUR BEVERAGES.

I realize that the holidays are quickly approaching and people are starting to get stressed and all that bunk but even so, everyone needs to settle down.

Also, please don't misinterpret my ranting. I LOVE my job. I adore the people I work with and I am happy to serve people coffee and whatnot. It's just those few special people that really rub my nerves the wrong way.

Let me just tell you guys about some of the customer encounters I have had lately:

To the lady who wanted to know the exact number of calories in a green tea frappuccino- bite me. I have no idea what the calorie count is but it you're watching your weight or something, a cafe is not the place to be doing that.

To the  mother who geeked out at me for fear of the cupcake getting a dent in the icing because "you know, my son won't eat a cupcake that has anything wrong with it". Are you high? Is your child seriously that high maintenance that you've made it so he thinks it's okay to refuse a cupcake that is anything other than perfect? Seriously?? If any kid of mine did that I'd take the damn cupcake and eat it and feel no pity for the brat.

To ANYONE who seems to think it's okay to fling/toss/flick any form of payment at me, I would love to kick you in the shin. I have never been so disrespected in my life for anyone to think they can throw things in my direction.

Get off your phone while ordering. 

To the old dude who went off on me for the arm chairs being moved out of the cafe area, I hate you. Your threat to not come back because the chairs have been moved is something you should really hold yourself to. And do not approach the counter already listing off your order before I have even greeted you. That's damn rude.

To the couple that had the most intense order I've ever done (One tall raspberry mocha frap with a shot of decaf, made with 2%, and light on the ice but still as thick and a venti chai latte with 10 pumps of chai, no water, a shot, and 30 degrees hotter)- Ugh.

There is no such thing as a WET or NO FOAM cappuccino. That is a latte.

No we do not have cakepops, stop asking.  Also, we don't take Starbucks giftcards, so stop throwing a tizzy when I say I can't accept them. I DON'T MAKE THE RULES.

Don't get snippy with me because you're running late. That is NOT my fault, nor is it my problem. You didn't have to stop and get coffee. I can't make machines go any faster so don't stand there and tap your foot or drum your nails at me.

UGH.

People, it is COFFEE. You will NOT die. You could use some common courtesy, I promise it doesn't hurt. It also will make my day about ten times better and I may even tell you to have a nice day without mumbling obscenities when you walk away.

Again. I love my job and about 95% of the customers are great but seriously. These few.

DONE.

So I was informed of something very interesting yesterday.

I was told from a source that someone is going around bad-mouthing my photography services. Apparently I charged them $2000 for some pictures.

What. The. Hell.

Are you effing kidding me?

Seriously?

I've never been more livid about something.

That is such a pile of utter and complete bullcrap that I don't even know what to make of it.

TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS?!?!?

Where did you even pull that obscene number from?

I have the bill on my computer from them. They wanted 23 pictures. TWENTY THREE.

I charged $15 per picture for the editing and resizing that I had to do and put all of them on a disc for them.

$15x 23 pictures is 345.

So they owed me $345.

They never paid.

I didn't see ONE CENT for my pictures because I'm an IDIOT who didn't make people sign a contract because I TRUSTED these people.

So not only did I not see any money (which was going to help fund my trip to St. Louis last year), now they're bad mouthing me and my photos.

I'm done being nice about it now. 

I don't remember signing up to be a functional member of society.

Stuff  has been happening and for the past week and I've been meaning to write about it because hilarious things happen to me on a daily basis that make me question the sanity of the world.

Most of the things I find hilarious happen on the bus. On top of being hilarious, they make me want to yank my hair out one hair at a time. Such as the man sitting across from me today who was smoking on one of those fake cigarettes that look like pens. Huffin and puffin away and I'm just sitting there staring at him like, uh I don't know the health regulation on those things but rude. I've also been glared at by elderly people riding the bus more than anything. They have it out to get me. I held open the door for some dude that was basically hobble walking so slow and he just stared at me...

YOU'RE WELCOME, SIR. HAVE A LOVELY DAY.

Jeez.

I adore my Spanish professor (he's 25, I feel weird calling him a professor but...). He is hilarious and basically lets the class rule the class. He also rags on students when they aren't there which I find hysterical. I even write down some of my favorite things he says because they made me laugh so much.

 Examples: "She really likes to chew her gum. I haven't heard anyone chew gum like that since the 90's."

"Yeahs there's a lack of brooding cloud in the corner when he's gone."

"I didn't have a travel mug so I used a regular mug. I was going down 394 and I spilled all over my clothes. I had my clothes from yesterday in my car so that's why I'm wearing yesterday's outfit which is really unfortunate because I looked CUTE."

Anyways. I sound like a super creep quoting him but guys, he's hilarious and it makes the class less boring. There's also the guy that is now called "Lurch" because that's basically what he is. He has one of those personalities and voices that just makes me clench my jaw and want to kick him in the nads. He's super rude and not funny even though he thinks he is.

I just hate rude people in case you can't tell.

Like don't be rude to me. You can be rude to anyone else but I'm overly nice to most people and really don't want scowl lines. Also, I hate people that just talk about themselves or take themselves super seriously. I'm young enough to still have the hope that everything in life is going to work out for me and your raining on my parade is really unfortunate. Don't make me stress more than I have to, I'm already a spastic gremlin half the time, don't make it worse for me.

Speaking of spastic. I GOT A JOB.
BOOM! MIC DROP.

But really I'm super excited. I'm working at the Barnes and Noble over by Ridgedale as a barista in the cafe and a book seller that works the floor. I'm really hoping this job is everything I've built it up to in my mind. I've always wanted to work there. I love being around books, they smell amazing and they don't care when I make grabby hands at them and ruin them with highlighting. My dream job would be to own my own used book store and have no one shop in it so I can just sit there and listen to music, drink coffee, and read.

Books man, they're awesome. More people should embrace them  (and by embrace I literally mean hug).

Plus, who knows, maybe I'll  meet some Starbucks drinkin book reading gentlefellow and we'll fall madly in love and have a Beauty and the Beast-esque library.

Dream big or go home.

So that's about it...Not really, but I don't feel like writing the next great novel on my blog.

Here, have a song by my current girl crush Lilly Allen: