Top Ten Ways To Piss Off Your Barista

Let me start out by saying how much I enjoy my job. I may complain about it to some of you but I really do love it. I love my bosses, some customers are great to interact with, and, surprisingly, I enjoy making the drinks. The store is always so clean and the smell of books and coffee never gets old.

That being said, I have come to realize I do not understand some people. Yeah, people are always telling me "you learn so much in customer service" and "it's like a right of passage". While I understand that whole thing of serving the customer there are some things that make me want to pull my hair out.

So I present to you:  The Top Ten Don'ts of Ordering in a Coffee Establishment (in no particular order)

1. Don't get your panties in a twist because we don't have an almond milk substitute available. If I say we don't, we don't. You saying, "well the Starbucks in San Diego has it," won't make a bit of difference. If you want almond milk, move to California. Otherwise you're stuck with the soy or regular milk.

2. Don't harp on me about the prices. I have no control over that. All I do is ring you up and make your beverage/serve your food. If you don't want to pay the price, go home and make your own coffee.

3. Arguing over who is going to pay is a big no-no. It makes me uncomfortable to just stand there and wait for some form of a payment while trying to hold a smile. Someone just fork over the money and move along.

4. Please, for the love of all that is holy, do NOT mack on your significant other in front of the barista. Or anyone for that matter. It makes everyone involved (minus the person doing the groping) uncomfortable. Just ACK. It's gross, don't do it.

5. Do not, no matter how foul a mood you're in, toss, flip, or flick your method of payment. Hand it to me like I am not some sort of subhuman and I will be far more pleasant to you.

6. Don't be stupid. There is no such thing as a wet cappuccino, that's just a latte. Don't ask me to do a bunch of modifications to your drink after you've already paid. I'm not stupid, I know you're just being too cheap to pay for what you actually wanted.

6b. If you ordered a strawberry banana smoothie and a frappuccino of some kind, don't look at me and ask which is which. It's blatantly obvious and you are not a simpleton.

7. If you are the only person in the cafe and I call out your name, don't come up to me and ask if that's your drink. Yes, yes it is your drink

7b. Conversely, if I did not call out your name, that is NOT your drink so don't take it and just chill out for a second.

8. Don't be double checking on your drink while it's in the making. Especially if I'm not even to your drink yet. If you just ordered, there's a line and your drink does not take precedence. Please don't stand next to the counter going "is that decaf?" "Are you making that extra hot?" "I asked for no foam, did you get that?" "Make sure you add 5 Splendas." I GET IT. Oddly enough, did you see the person write all this down on the cup for me to read? I'VE GOT THIS, BACK OFF.

9. Don't ever just order a "regular size". What is that? I don't even know what that is? This is America so is a regular size a venti? Just pick a size.

9b. Don't get on my case about the size system. I don't need you looking at me and snidely saying "Oh sorry, I mean grande." Bite me.

10. Don't talk on your phone while ordering. Even worse- if you're on the phone getting orders from people elsewhere who have no idea what they want.

BONUS: Me: "Hi! How're you today?"
               Customer: "Grande non-fat no whip extra shot mocha."
               Me: "I'm good, thanks!"


Like I said, I love my job and the friends I've made there. Some of the people are just ridiculous (such as the girl who came in and ordered a white mocha with 5 packets of sugar but wanted non-fat milk and no whipped cream).

Let this be a warning- Be nice to your barista, they can give you decaf espresso.